3 August 2015


For the last month that I have been blogging I have noticed that a lot of us have one thing in common. Apart from the obvious love of MAC, scented candles and cups of tea we all seem to of had some experience with battling mental illness's.

My battle goes way back to when I was around 11 years old.
I wasn't the most popular kid at school and constantly tried to please others to make them like me.
I was bullied for a fair few years just because I was an easy target. I have been called "fat" most of my life, even when I wasn't. I ruined my education trying to fit in and could never concentrate at school.
I could never settle in a job and would have sick days on a regular basis.
My mood was up and down for a while - I was either really happy and bubbly or I was snappy and wanted to sleep.
My relationship with my parents was patchy at best due to my mood.
At the time I didn't even realise what I was going through and it wasn't until I was 18 that I fully sort help.
After I split up with my boyfriend of 4 years and I had various fall outs with people I considered my best friends I turned to the party lifestyle to numb the lack of happiness in my life.
Looking back on pictures I seemed so happy but in reality it was just a short term fix.
My Gran who was a big part of my life also passed away. I was lost. I either slept until 1pm or I couldn't sleep at all.
It was at this point I went to the doctors and spoke to someone about it.

I spent 3 years on antidepressants and battling demons inside my head. There were days when I couldn't "face" life. Days were I would think about all the things that I wish I could change through out the years previous.

Today I still face this same battle - although I try to do it without the medication. In ways it is worse because I have to get up and put on my happy face. I have bills to pay and responsibilities. But some days it all just gets to much and I still have to sleep it off.
Some days I have heart palpitations and can't even face debates or heated discussions at home or work without bursting into tears.

Some people wouldn't class this as an illness.
I would say that something that is inside your body that you cannot control is definitely and illness.

My advice to anyone suffering with Anxiety or Depression?
Learn to enjoy time on your own.
Get into fitness. Start a hobby. Keep yourself busy.
Make time for the little activities that make you happy.

I've recently bought a "mindfulness colouring book" for when I need to "zone out" and have some me time. I've heard nothing but good things about them so think it is worth a shot.

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